Tim Minchin - 5 Poofs And 2 Pianos Lyrics
6th Dec 2009 00:15amYesterday I spent about an hour and a half trying to write up the lyrics to Tim Minchin's excellent song that he wrote and performed on Friday Night with Jonathon Ross.
Obviously I don't want to infer that being invited onto Friday Night with Wossy isn't wonderfully affirming
And I know I 'orta,
appreciate the risk you took the bookers who agreed to book a chap
who tends to talk about the kind of things that get the BBC, in hot water
And I don't want to seem greedy, I'm just saying
I'd like to be here every week, if that's OK and if you hear me out
I think I've got a way in which we could do it pretty easily
You could leave all the boring details to me
It's a brilliant idea, a truly original concept
No one in Britain has ever done anything like it, yeah...
Picture this...
Imagine if we had...
5 poofs and 2 pianos
Yeah, it's a wicked idea
Why settle for a quartet of queers
When there's a possibility of a penta-poofter-piano-posse here
5 poofs and 2 pianos
Yeah, it'll be ace
A 100% more pianos
And 25% more gays
I know, I know
I've seen the problem too
There's a rumour, I am straight it's true
It hurts to admit it, but I'm about as bent as Wossy himself ... or 50 cent.
But I've already thought it through
D'you know there's preachers in America who reckon they can do
Sexuality conversions, I've heard them assert
They can cure a man of trouser love and turn him onto skirt
But I don't see why they couldn't pull the same trick in reverse
And we'd have...
5 poofs and 2 pianos
Yeah, it's a revolution
Probably the best solution
To the problem you're inevitably having with an even number of homosexuals
Yes I know
Your producers might suspect
That the license paying public will object
To the corporation having yet another homosexual to pay
The Daily Mail will bring the big guns out
Jan Moir will be frothing at the mouth
Writing further brilliant stuff about
The myth of being both happy and gay
But all that moral indignation
Will disappear when they see
Those 4 lovely guys and me
Singing in perfect harmony
And all those angry letter writers
Like disgusted from the Isle of Wight
And mad from Hull and outraged from Leeds
And slightly annoyed from Berwick-on-Tweed
Will instantly change their tune
They'll be bleeding heart liberals by Saturday noon
They'll be giving their grandchildren up for adoption
In the hope that gay married couple will adopt them
They'll be putting rainbow stickers on their cars
And cutting holes in the arse of their leather strays
Watching 2 pianos and 5 guys,
Watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
Watching 2 pianos and 5
1, 2, 3, 4 ...
5 poofs and 2 pianos
Yeah, it'll be grand
You can never have too many pianos
Or too much man
5 poofs and 2 pianos
And maybe would could out Jamie Cullum
Make it a trio of pianos
And a big gay half-dozen.
I'm not 100% sure, if they're exactly correct, but I've posted them over on the Sound Upload Lyrics section of Sound Upload too.
7 Comment(s) -:- PermalinkTags: tim minchin, 5 poofs and 2 pianos, lyrics, sound upload, jonathon ross
Sound Upload
4th Aug 2009 19:41pmI've just been sitting and thinking and I believe I may actually be able to have Sound Upload running the same as how it used it, with the allowing of uploading and downloading of non-commercial audio files.
Must get pen-to-paper and work out some figures...
0 Comment(s) -:- PermalinkTags: sound upload, audio hosting, mp3 hosting
An Update
17th May 2009 16:37pmI suppose it's time I did an update. Well where to start first... hmm... well I ended up getting a letter from the doctors the other day stating that the nurse practioner that had seen me before about my chest has been "trying to contact me" ... like bollocks has she. Anyways, she wants me to go for a "reversibility testing" thing... not sure what it is - though I have done a good oldé Google search on it and I think it's something to do with breath tests or something like that to see if my lungs are fine, but low-and-behold the usual "you smoke, blah blah" nonsense will dribble from her gob. Also I think she may have like put me on the wrong thing... as a the letter mentions about inhalers... oh well, that's going to be on Tuesday 26th May anyways... but I've (luckily) got another appointment there tomorrow afternoon to see (not my doctor - as he isn't available this week nor next week, as he'll probably be swanning off and living the high life relaxing on a beach somewhere, drowning his sorry life away) ... *cough* ... anywhos... oh yeah, so I've got that appointment tomorrow so I'll see what that bloke says. I think it's the doctor who diagnosed me with epididymitus when I was just turning 16 (and that flared back up just before I was 18) ... it's one hell of a painful thing.
Right, so that's my health out the way... next... oh turd! ... I've just got an email from GoDaddy saying Sound Upload is expiring tomorrow ... oh balls, talk about awkward timing. Suppose I better skank some money from my mother to cover it. Erm... what else is there... erm... oh I've been searching around online to start writing stuff up about all the Open Source / Free Alternatives to "Paid Software" that's lying around on the net. I've mentioned before on here about Spotify [Story: 569], which I'm hoping you've gave a go... though they still haven't got any of The Beatles stuff on there yet. I might even make my playlist and post the link so if you're using Spotify, it'll show all my songs that I've got listed.
Now going back last year, when Britain's Got The Pop Factor... and Possibly a New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly on Ice was on... well obviously I had to buy the CD, because Geraldine McQueen is like a legend. Well I only noticed earlier when I was looking on WikiPedia about Michelle Mc-massive-anus-Manus that her first album is the same as The Winners Song cover... then it all fell into place, that Peter Ka... I mean, Geraldine McQueen based herself on her. God, I'm so slow!
Been playing my Goonzu Game after redownloading the game client again... half a gig download from a foreign server, with no option to shove it on a download accelerator... I've never seen something as slow since dial-up was around at the turn of the millenium... 2kbps. Though it came down, patched it up too (had to do that manually - grrr!) and also now there's also three servers on there... though I just stick to the Zeus server. Lost my Warehouses and my horse died, so I've now got a horse that has legs that run really fast, yet it only moves slowly... it's so funny... I can't actually ride it as I always end up giggling too much to play properly.
Right... I think that's a big enough update for the moment. Anything else, I will update. (Especially will be updating tomorrow, when I find out what this other doctor says...)
TTFN.
0 Comment(s) -:- PermalinkTags: pectus excavatum, chest, doctor, nurse, google, inhaler, epididymitus, godaddy, sound upload, domain name, software, open source, spotify, geraldine mcqueen, peter kay, michelle mcmanus, goonzu, zeus, louhan
Website Updates
4th May 2009 09:12amWell as I'm starting to focus quite a bit on getting people on here, I've started (as you can probably tell) writing bigger articles and not leaving so much time between posts.
As you can see too, there is now a "tags" bit under some of the stories (I haven't finished doing it yet). This will allow you to check other stories with the same keywords in them. For example, if you're looking for a tutorial then if I've done one, it'll come up with you search the tags for tutorial. Very handy for search engines too.
I'm still also pondering on the layout of the site... see I really like it as it's vibrant, funky, unique and one that you're not going to forget as it stands out. However if I do decide to change it... I've got to think about what to. Colours, styling, layout, etc.
And on a final note, I've changed the layout (just a few pages left to do) over on Sound Upload. The site is still up and running and the lyrics section on there is still doing pretty well, with some of the lyrics clocking up 15,000 views in a few weeks.
0 Comment(s) -:- PermalinkTags: website, update, tags, dalehay.com, sound upload, colour scheme, search engine
Sound Upload Progress
22nd Dec 2008 02:24amRight... Sound Upload is being slowly transferred as I still (luckily!) have access to the files and to the database. I've transferred over the database to the dalehay.com server however I do have a 100GB monthly bandwidth limit on it - which Sound Upload used to go through 50-60GB a day! So I will be needing to find a decent host (which will probably end up being a dedicated one - costing well over a hundred quid a month!!)
The lyrics section, shop and UK Charts sections are the only main places that are accessible at the moment.
0 Comment(s) -:- PermalinkTags: sound upload, transfer, bandwidth, lyrics, shop, uk charts
R.I.P Sound Upload
17th Dec 2008 06:07amOh my goodness... Sound Upload has been 100% removed by my (other) host. All 50,000+ files, 40,000+ lyrics, etc... all gone. eek!! Google payments will stop... TLA and TNX will too... shite, shite, shite!!
I've just got the message a few minutes ago... oh my goodness... bye Sound Upload.
2 Comment(s) -:- PermalinkTags: sound upload, closed, google, text link ads, tnx
Sound Upload Stats
26th Sep 2008 03:26am
Wow... just logged into my Servage account (my host for Sound Upload) and checked Sound Upload's visitor stats for the last 7 days and as of about 9pm (BST [GMT+1]) there were this. Impressive? I'm liking it, though it would be nice to have them figures making me more money on Google AdSense than they currently do. I mean, I get a payment every month now - guaranteed - from Google, but having a lot more money would be even better. Also a thing that is worrying me, is that Servage only allow 400,000 impressions a day - so if I get four times the amount of traffic that I currently get then Sound Upload will be down pretty much every evening. So I'm thinking of buying a dedicated server for just Sound Upload, though they are pricey, it would allow me to have a load more visitors and also a load more files on there, however I think I need to act fast as Sound Upload is currently at 95.8GB in file size and that's excluding the database.
0 Comment(s) -:- PermalinkTags: sound upload, statistics
Sound Upload Hits 40,000
12th Sep 2008 20:37pm
Sound Upload has hit another milestone by having the 40,000th upload. The file however has been manually removed by the uploader.
Hopefully I'll reach 50,000 or even 75,000 by Christmas. Also the site is still getting a lot more visitors to it, which is making me happy a lot!
0 Comment(s) -:- PermalinkTags: sound upload, milestone
Creating a new online website idea
19th Aug 2008 22:58pmSo you want to make a website but you don't know what to make it on? Lost for ideas or your idea already taken? Then hopefully my little piece here will help you. Thoughout this piece I will be reffering a lot towards Sound Upload (My most successful venture yet!)
Brainstorming
Now, firstly you will need to brainstorm before you get anywhere else. So do your research online and find out what people like and don't like. With Sound Upload I found that people loved YouTube (because they could upload their own videos) and also Lyric websites were a big thing too - so I thought "Ah! Got it!". So I put down a YouTube site but instead of it being for videos, I changed it to audio files. Getting your ideas might be a bit harder, but don't worry. You can still use an idea that has already been taken - see when either Google, Yahoo or MSN come up with something new the other two take the idea too. Just remember though, if you're using an idea that has already been taken then add something totally new and different to it (this will attract loads of new people).
Development
Secondly, once you have your idea and you know you'll stick to it, then get it developed. So start making the website for it, this can either be just a simple plain HTML based site which you can make in Adobe Dreamweaver or Microsoft Frontpage or if you're wanting something more bigger and dynamic (like what Sound Upload is like) then you'll need to do it in either ASP, PHP or Perl. Sound Upload uses PHP tied in nicely with a MySQL database back-end.
Getting It Online
Now you've planned the site and made the site, you will now need to put it up on the internet. So you will two things, hosting and a domain name. You can get domain names from GoDaddy and hosting from a few places like Crucial, Servage or HostGator. (Note: Don't do what I used to do when I was younger - and always wanted the 'unlimited' option. Only get that when you need the resources!) Now you've got your domain name and hosting (if you've got your domain name from somewhere else then you will need to assign it with your hostings DNS settings) you can now upload the website files - set up the database if that is needed on the site too. Hooray, your site is online.
Advertising / Promoting
This fourth step is probably the hardest part of all! I started Sound Upload on the 13th February 2007 (launching around 10pm-11pm) and since then (so just over a year and a half) I have just over 4,400 members and over 30,000 music files so the site is growing nicely because there isn't much out there for it. So promoting your site is a bit tricky, firstly I'd say if you've got any IM software (MSN, YIM, AIM, ICQ, etc...) tell everyone on it about the site, then do the same if you have a MySpace, Bebo, Netlog profile. This will give you the first few hits that you need to getting started. Also ask for feedback off your friends as that will help with getting more people (and don't get annoyed with them if they hate it). Forum signatures are a good place to advertise too, just placing a little link in there and then posting on forums will draw attention to the site too. Another free way of advertising is replying to popular blogs that allow you to enter your website address - this is a great way of getting visitors as blogging is a huge thing these days. Adding your website to directories can also help too but can be time consuming.
Making Money
Your visitors are picking up (having 10 unique people a day is great for a newbie) and people know slightly about your website, now you can start earning money! Head over to Google's AdSense section and sign up, once you have signed up you will get access to a huge range of options for placing adverts on your site. Once you've got them on the site you will have to know that you will be looking at earning $0.00 - $0.01 a day for maybe the first few months, this is normal! Getting a dollar a day from Google AdSense is pretty good. (Sound Upload didn't end up earning a dollar a day until about 12 months after having adverts on the site) Each day I'm getting an average of $4 - $9 a day (which is enough to pay for hosting and also for me to buy goodies for myself). Along with Google AdSense some other good advertisers are AdBrite, TNX, Text-Link-Ads and BackLinks. One rule though, don't blockade your website with thousands of adverts as it puts people off.
Expanding
Expanding your website is something that will keep the previous visitors coming back and also drawing new visitors onto your website. When you expand don't do thousands of things all at once... space them out, so add a new thing each week or couple of days. This will keep people coming back all the time.
Final
I hope this has helped you in the right direction with several of the aspects when creating a new idea online. If you have any questions or comments then feel free to leave them below on the comment form.
0 Comment(s) -:- PermalinkTags: web idea, sound upload, brainstorming, google, yahoo, msn, development, online, advertising, promoting, making money, adsense, expanding, hosting
Analog TV Website Pages
14th Aug 2008 10:06amI've been following the amount of pages Google has indexed for my big project Sound Upload - currently there is 38,400 pages. Then I thought, I wonder how many pages are indexed for the five current analog television channels here in the UK. Below are my findings...
- BBC One - 115,000 Pages
- BBC Two - 92,200 Pages
- ITV1 - 72,600 Pages
- Channel 4 - 1,620,000 Pages
- Five - 30,200 Pages
0 Comment(s) -:- PermalinkTags: google, indexed, sound upload, bbc one, bbc two, itv1, channel 4, five
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